Top rated jokes

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A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He sidled up tothe bar and announced, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
tags: dog
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
tags: pirate
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?
An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
tags: elephant stick
q: what's brown and sticky?

a: parcel tape
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
tags: stick
A man is driving through the countryside when he sees a sign that reads "Pigs for sale, next left". Curiosity got the better of him and he turned into the farm.The farmer greets him at the gate and asks him which pig he wants. The man, having no experience of buying pigs simply points at one and asks "how much is that one?". The farmer grabs the pig's tail between his teeth, lifts the pig off the floor and says "200" Slightly confused, tha man says "thats a bit expensive, how about that one" and points at another pig. Again the father picks up the pig by the tail between his teeth and says "that ones heavier, so it'll be about 250". "Heavier?" said the man, "am i supposed to believe you are weighing them" "Yes siad the farmer, thats how you weigh pigs, everybody knows that, ask my daughter" The man turns to his daughter and sure enough she says "thats how you weigh pigs". By this point the man is sure he is being conned, and is about to leave when the farmer says, "hang on, i'll prove that this is how you weigh pigs, ask my wife". To which his daughter added "Oh, you can't ask her, she's weighing the postman".
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception wasbeautiful.
  • Currently 3.75/5 Stars.
tags: wedding
A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: doctor car
What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
They both don't drive tractors.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: tree
There were two retired racehorses living in a pasture. Their names wereRazzle and Dazzle. Every day they would race from one end of the pastureto the other. On the first day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caughtup, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster,Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose.The next day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzlepulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle,Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose.The third day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzlepulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle,Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. A dog who had beenwatching them race day after day finally asked them, "Why is it that Razzle always wins by a nose?" And Razzle said to Dazzle, "Look,Dazzle, a talking dog!"
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: horse dog
Q: Why the fireman was burried on the top of the hill?
A: Because he was dead.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: dead fire
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