Top rated jokes

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Part 1:

One day a man with no arms showed up at a monastery, asking if there was any work. The monk thought for a while and asked if he could ring the bell in the tower by running into it with his head. The man with no arms thought he could manage that and started his new career.

For several days, the man happily rang the bell. Then one day he slipped, missed the bell, and fell off the tower, plunging to his death. The local constable showed up and asked the monk if he knew the man. The monk said "No, but his face rings a bell."

Part 2:

Same monastery, few months later. A second man with no arms shows up and says he heard the monastery had a job for a guy with no arms (and an opening). The monk explained and the man took the jobs. He also happily rang the bell for a few days before slipping and plunging to his death. The constable showed up and asked if the monk knew the man. The monk said "No, but he's a dead ringer for the last guy."
  • Currently 4.33333/5 Stars.
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey pirate, do you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate says "Arrrh, I know, it's drivin me nuts"
  • Currently 4.3/5 Stars.
Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...

"Can you put me up for the night?"
  • Currently 4.14286/5 Stars.
tags: nails

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

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.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: bartender bear
A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don'tserve food here."
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: bartender
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: tree
Two atoms are talking:
"Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: help
What's blue and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: red blue
What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?
It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: bed
Two sausages are in a frying pan. One says, "Geez, it's hot in here isn't it?"And the other one says, "Aaaaaah! A talking sausage!"
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: n/a
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