A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us.""It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
They both don't drive tractors.

What's red and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket.

What's blue and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.

How are an elephant and a plum the same?
They're both purple, except for the elephant.