Top rated jokes

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Have you heard the joke about the bed?
No.
It hasn't been made up yet!
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: joke bed
Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator?
He didn't want to see the salad dressing.
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: eyes boy
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Ok.
The boy fell in the mud. Ready for a clean joke?
Yeah.
He took a bath.
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: joke boy
A man had a son, but he was born as only a head. The man lovedhis son very much and took care of him, even though he was only a head.When the son turned 21, the man took him to a bar."One whiskey for my boy, barkeep!" said the man."You don't want to do that," said the bartender."He's a man, just turned 21! Get him a whiskey!""I'm serious," the bartender insisted. "It's a bad idea.""Just do it!" ordered the man.So the bartender got the head a whiskey, and when he drank it, hesprouted a body! The head and his dad were excited, but the bartenderwasn't pleased."Wow, another one of those for my boy!" yelled the man."It's a really bad idea," the bartender stated."Just give him a stupid whiskey! Geez, I'm payin', ain't I?" said theman, a little frustrated now.So the bartender gave the son a whiskey, and he grew an arm! The father madethe bartender give more whiskey to the head, and he grew another arm, a leg,another leg, and finally the head was a whole person.The son was so excited that he ran into the street, screaming andshouting happily, and was hit by a car and died."I told you," the bartender said. "You should've quit while he was a head."
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?
At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: boy
What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?
It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: bed
Can gorillas swim?
No.
  • Currently 5/5 Stars.
tags: n/a
What's red and not there?
No tomatoes.
  • Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
tags: red
A woman is in the maternity ward, having just given birth to her baby. The doctor comes in, cradling the child in his arms. As he is about to give it to the woman, he drops it on the ground, kicks it into the wall then throws it out the window.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!?!?!"

The doctor turns to her, smiles, and says, "April Fools. It was a stillborn."
  • Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey pirate, do you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate says "Arrrh, I know, it's drivin me nuts"
  • Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
Results 1 - 11 of 963
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