Jokes tagged tree

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!""Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwellingmammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and whitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
  • Currently 4.11111/5 Stars.
How does an elephant climb a tree?
He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: elephant tree
Why did the sheriff arrest the tree?
Because its leaves rustled.
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: tree
What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: green tree
There was a chicken farmer who lived in a village in China. One year,his chickens were afflicted with a strange blight that caused them to lose their feathers. The farmer was deeply concerned about this, because winter was coming, and, if the chickens had no feathers, they would freeze to death. So, the farmer decided to consult the two wisest men in the land. First,he visited Mr. Hing, the renowned scholar. Mr. Hing leafed through all his agricultural and medicinal texts and pored over books and scrolls well into the night. Finally, he returned to the farmer and told him that, if he crushed the leaves of a gum tree into powder, made it into tea, and fed it to his chickens, they would be cured.The farmer then went to Mr. Ming, the great seer. Mr. Ming cast stones, read tea leaves, and poked through entrails until finally he came up with the answer: "As surely as gum causes a shoe to stick to the ground,tea made from gum leaves will cause feathers to stick to chickens. "Now the farmer was ecstatic. The two wisest men in the land had given him exactly the same prescription. So, as soon as he returned home, he took some gum leaves and made tea from them. He mixed this with the chicken feed and fed it to his chickens. But it didn't work.The chickens continued to lose their feathers, and, with the onset of winter, they all froze.The moral of this story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
A man walks into a flower shop and discovers something new: a bonsaipalm tree in a pot. As he admires the plant he says, "With fronds likethese, who needs anemones?"
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tags: tree
What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
They both don't drive tractors.
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tags: tree
What's black, highly dangerous, and lives in a tree?
A crow with a machine gun.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: black tree
An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family ofsquirrels took it in and raised it as one of their own.This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of therabbit. It had a tendency to scurry up trees like its step-siblings instead of hopping along the ground. And it ate acorns and nuts instead of carrots. By the time it was half grown, the rabbit realizedthat it was different, so it went to its step-parents to discussthe problem.He said he was unsure of his place in the universeand was generally forlorn.His step-parents advised, "Don't scurry. Be hoppy."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: tree
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