Jokes tagged trap

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How do you catch a green elephant?
Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.
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A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friarsfound it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran afloral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venusfly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so theyjust kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were nolonger enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. Itate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, thenraccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this andattempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One wayor another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms oflarge animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired aprofessional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed themonastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them overto the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent floristfriars.
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
How do you catch a red elephant?
With a red elephant trap.
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
Two men are standing on a golf course. The first one steps up, tees his first ball, and positions himself for a swing. The man lifts his club, swings smoothly down and smacks the ball into the air. It sails off in a nice, long arc, but as it comes down the two men can see that it's heading straight for the water trap.

Just then, a wind picks up, and a lily pad is blown directly into the ball's path. The ball lands on the lily pad, and after a few seconds a frog hops up onto the pad, grabs the ball in its mouth, jumps off the pad and swims for shore.

When the frog reaches dry land, it spits out the ball, and no sooner has it disappeared into the water than a squirrel comes running up to the ball, grabs it in its paws, and scampers off across the grass. But before it can reach the trees, a hawk swoops down out of nowhere, grabs the squirrel in its talons, and begins to climb back up into the sky. Panicked and struggling to get free, the squirrel releases the ball from its paws, and with the altitude and speed gained from the hawk, the ball sails down in a long, clean fall straight into the hole. Hole in one.

The second man turns to the first, and says "OK, God. Are you going to play golf or are you going to fuck around?"
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General Sherman is marching through the South, and passes Stone Mountain in Georgia. On top is a lone rebel, hurling insults down on the Yankees.

Sherman sends ten men up to deal with the rebel. Twenty minutes pass, the men don't return, and the rebel appears again on top of the mountain, yelling insults.

Sherman sends a hundred men up to deal with the rebel. Twenty minutes pass, the men don't return, and the rebel appears again on top of the mountain, yelling insults.

Finally, Sherman sends a thousand men up to deal with the rebel. Twenty minutes pass, a one wounded man crawls back down. "General," he gasps, "it's a trap! There's two of 'em!"
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tags: trap south
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