Jokes tagged road

Results 11 - 16 of 16
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An electron is speeding down the road, and gets pulled over by a cop.

The cop asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

"Yes," the election replies, "but I haven't the slightest clue where I am!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: road
Why didn't the woman cross the road?

There was no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: woman road bed
A traveling salesman is driving down a country road when he comes across a farmer who is standing in his orchard, hoisting pigs into the apple trees with ropes. He stops. "What are you doing?" the salesman asks. "I'm feeding the pigs," answers the farmer, incredulous that someone could ask a question with such an obvious answer. "Well," says the salesman, "why don't you let the apples fall to the ground, gather them up in baskets, and feed the pigs that way?" The farmer ponders, then says, "Hmmmm. Yes, I guess I could do it that way. But what would be the point?" The salesman is a bit exasperated: "Well, it would save time, wouldn't it?" The farmer ponders again. "Yes," he says after a pause, "I guess it would save time. But what's time to a pig?"
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
The Compassionate Lawyer

A lawyer was being driven around town in his limo when he saw 2 men on the side of the road eating grass.

Moved, the lawyer tells his driver to stop and gets out to talk to the men.

"What is going on? Why are you eating grass?" he asks the men.

"We are very poor me, sir", the first responds, "this is all we have."

"Well, come with me" insists the lawyer.

"But sir, I have a wife and three kids! My friend here, he was a wife and four kids!"

"We will go get them as well" declares the lawyer.

An hour later they are all driving in the limo to the lawyers estate.

"Sir, I don't know how to thank you enough!"

"Oh, it is no problem. The grass at my house has to be at least a foot tall!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Holmes and Watson have come out of a country pub at the end of a long night of quaffing warm ale. As they wander down the road, they can just make out a tree in the darkness and head over to answer the call of nature. As they are mid-flow, Holmes asks Watson what he can deduce from the sound of his stream. Watson replies that he believes the tree to be an oak of between 100-150 years with some disease in the past causing a hollow in the centre. As he expounds further, Holmes cuts him off and snaps, 'From the sound you are making I deduce that you are pissing on my shoes'.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A man is driving down the road somewhat erratically. A cop notices this and pulls him over he walks up to the window and says:

"Sir, I believe you're drunk. I'm going to administer a breathalyzer test"

Man, sheepishly: "Oh, I'm sorry officer, I'm a severe asthmatic, and I don't have my inhaler with me...if I blow into that thing I could have an attack and die"

Cop, a little distrustful: "Uh, yeah...well, this is more invasive, but if you won't submit to a breathalyzer, I'm going to have to take you down to the station and take blood"

Man: "Yeah, well, see, the thing is, I'm a terrible hemophiliac, and so I can't give blood...I might die"

Cop, clearly frustrated: "Alright buddy, well, this is imprecise, but I'm going to have to have you get out of your vehicle and walk this line heel-toe"

Man: "Oh, I'm sorry officer, I can't do that, I'm drunk."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: sheep road drunk
Results 11 - 16 of 16
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