Jokes tagged road

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How did the chewing gum cross the road?
By sticking to the chicken's foot.
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What part of the road is always crying?
The breakdown lane.
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tags: road
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the mud and crosses back over?
A dirty double crosser.
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tags: chicken road
why did the plant cross the road?

it can't, its a plant. DUH
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tags: road
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes tothe monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do youthink I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed himdinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears astrange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, butthey say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointedbut thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears thesame strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, heasks what it was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not amonk."The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the onlyway I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I becomea monk?"The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how manyblades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When youfind these numbers, you will become a monk."The man sets about his task.Forty five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.He says, "I have travelled the earth and have found what you have asked for.There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sandpebbles on the earth."The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now amonk. We shall now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man toa wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind thatdoor."The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Realfunny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens thedoor. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demandsthe key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, onlyto find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, whoprovide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. Soit went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, andamethyst.Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, andbehind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a monk.
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Did you hear Willie Nelson got run over? He was playing on the road again.
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tags: road
There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary littleboy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing,destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down tothe bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friendshuddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them,"What's the Purple Wombat?""You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimeddisgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy,always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy,confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children."Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't knowwhat the Purple Wombat is!"The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the PurpleWombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in thevery back of the bus, all by himself.Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went toclass. Class proceeded normally; the students did the pledge of allegianceand worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then theteacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really payingattention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the PurpleWombat.Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked,"Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?""You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm,"Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man. No, no buts --march!"So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to theprincipal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, andtimidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, satthe principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thinmustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough tofrighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost totears."Well, Billy," he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?""Mr. Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's beenacting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher justsent me to you and stuff.""Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-Pal, after all.Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?""It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is.""What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am callingyour mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended."The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home.Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother wasstanding in the doorway waiting for him."Billy!" she called, sobbing, "I was so worried about you! What happened?""Mom," Billy cried, "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in theback of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal'soffice and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what thePurple Wombat is!""What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked."Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed,crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doorsshutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talkingdownstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footstepscoming up the stairs, and his door opened."Billy," his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother saysyou've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?""Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!""You...don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you canjust stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!"Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on hisbed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way -- lyingthere, crying, wishing he would wake up.Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said:"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy."Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find thesource of the voice, but he could not."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy."It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on,opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat."Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He gotto the edge of a wood."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy."The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and veryfrightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the PurpleWombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy."Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he keptfalling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going,driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy."Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the townlake."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy."It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboatsfrom the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, itwas very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy."The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, andthe boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way acrossthe lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy."It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood upto look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn'tknow how to swim, so he drowned.Moral: Don't stand up in a boat.
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?



A: To get the chinese newspaper. Do you get it??? No??? Me neither, I get the Daily News.
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why did the turkey cross the road?



to prove he wasn't chicken
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tags: chicken road
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see he's flat mate
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tags: road
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