Jokes tagged red

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One day a guy is sitting in his office when he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Go to Las Vegas." He thinks nothing of it until the next day when he hears the voice again, "Go to Las Vegas." He continues to ignore the voice, but it comes back every hour, then every minute, and by the end of the day he can't take it any more. Finally he gives in, fills up his gas tank and drives to Las Vegas.

The moment he arrives, he hears the voice again, only this time it says, "Go to a casino." Beginning to think that maybe the voice is leading him to something wonderful, he goes to the first casino he can find. As soon as he walks through the front doors of the casino, the voice is back, and says, "Go to the roulette table." So the guy makes his way to the roulette table as quickly as possible. By now the anticipation is getting him very excited. As he approaches the roulette table, the voice says, "Bet everything you have on 24 black." The guy pushes his way to the front, and throws all he has on the table and shouts, "Let it all ride on 24 black!!" The dealer spins the wheel, drops in the ball, and around it goes... Finally the wheel comes to a stop. The dealer calls out, "14 Red." The voice says, "Shit!"
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tags: mom red stop black
Q: What's red and not there?
A: No Tomatoes.
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tags: red
Three construction workers (an Italian, a Mexican, and a Redneck) were sitting on a steel beam at the top of a skyscraper they were building. It was lunchtime. The Italian worker opens his lunch box and sees that he has spaghetti and meatballs.

"Son of a bitch", he says, "spaghetti and meatballs again. Everyday it's spaghetti and meatballs. I swear if I get spaghetti and meatballs again tomorrow I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this building".

The Mexican worker opens up his lunch box and sees a burrito. "Damnit", he says, "another damn burrito, I'm so tired of burritos, If I have to eat a burrito again tomorrow I'm going to jump off of this building and commit suicide".

The Redneck worker opens his lunch box and sees a bologna sandwich. "Shit!!!, another damn bologna sandwich. If I get another bologna sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to commit suicide".

The next day during lunch hour, they are sitting on the same steel beam. The Italian worker opens his lunch box and finds spaghetti and meatballs. Without saying a word he closes the box and throws himself off of the beam and drops twenty floors to his death. The Mexican worker opens his box, finds a burrito, closes the box and jumps to his death. The Redneck worker opens his box and finds a bologna sandwich, closes the box and jumps to his death.

A couple of days later the families of all three workers meet at the cemetery just after the funerals. The Italian worker's wife was crying.

"Oh, if only I had known how he felt about the spaghetti and meatballs, I could have fixed him a muffalotta, and he would still be here today.

The Mexican worker's wife said "I could have fixed my husband a taco or an enchilada, and he would be here with me today".

There was a moment of silence while everybody was waiting for the Redneck worker's wife to comment.

"Don't look at me", she said, "He fixes his own lunch".
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Q. What is black white red, black white red, black white red, black white red, black white red, black white red, black white red and black white red?
A. A nun with a spear through her rolling down a hill.
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tags: red white black nun
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