Jokes tagged knock

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Knock, Knock

Who's There?

Lettuce

Lettuce Who?

Let us out.
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tags: knock
Werner Heisenberg is driving down the street when a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to the car, knocks on the window, and when Werner rolls it down, asks, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

"No," replies Werner. "But I knew where I was!"
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tags: knock
Q: Knock knock.

A: Who's there?

Q: Control freak. Okay, now, you say, "Control freak who?"
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tags: knock
A convent was going to receive a visit by the Pope, so the mother superior wanted to get the place spruced up. She assigned two nuns to repaint the guest bedroom.

"Do a good job," she ordered, "and don't get any paint on your habits."

The nuns decided that the best way to not get paint on their clothes was to work in the nude. They had been painting for a couple of hours when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" they asked.

"It's the blind man."

They figured that a blind man wouldn't be able to tell that they were naked, so they told him to come on in.

The door opened. "Hey, nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"
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Guy walks into a bar and catches the barman's eye.

"Double whisky!" he shouts. The barman pours it, serves it and GULP, the guy knocks it back in one go.

"Are you alright, mate?" asks the barman.

"Sure," says the guy, "I'm celebrating - another double whisky!" Barman serves it, guy grabs it and downs it in one again.

"What are you celebrating?" asks the barman.

"Aaaaahhhh," says the guy "can't tell you - it's a secret. Another double whisky!". The barman serves it to him, the guy grabs it and downs it in one.

"Come on," says the barman, "you'll be pissed in a minute and tell me anyway - what're you celebrating?"

"Oh all right," says the guy, looking around furtively, "first blowjob!"

"Ohhhhhh, well done my son!" beams the barman, "here, have one on me!"

The guy peers at the drink, thinks, sniffs. "No thanks", he says, "if three won't get rid of the taste, nothing
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