Jokes tagged german

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There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town isrenowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem --the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another andoverrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran thedogs out of the city. Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. Thedogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. Thepaper mills were shut down, and everyone left.But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills,saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in thetown, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories.The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us!The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"
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What's green and german?
Snotzis.
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tags: green german
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers in the world, and I make the King of them all gimme a Bud."

Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, verdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist Der real King of beers, danke."

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward "Barman, would ya give me a doyet coke wid ice and lemon. Tanks."

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"

Paddy replies: "Well, if you fookin' pansies aren't drinkin', then neither am I".
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tags: drink face german
Guy walks into a petshop and sees three parrots, priced $500.-, $1,500.-, $2,500.- and $30,000.-, so he asks the owner, "Hey why are those parrots so expensive ?"

"Well," says the owner, "that first one can speak english, german and mandarin perfectly and translates any sentence you desire, from one language into another."

"What about the second one ?"

"Well, that parrot not only knows four languages, but can also type business letters using a computer"

"And the third one ?"

"Oh, that one can speak seven languages, use the computer, e-mail, internet and does online research for you."

"Amazing ! And what about the last one ?", says the guy.

"Oh ! ... that one doesn't do anything at all. Just sits there all day long."

"Then why is it so expensive ?!?!?!"

The owner takes the guy to the side and whispers, "Well, I haven't seen it do anything, but the other three parrots call it BOSS".
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Q:Why are the avenues in Paris lined with trees?

A:Because Germans like to march in the shade.
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tags: german paris tree
Q:Why are the avenues in Paris lined with trees?

A:Because Germans like to march in the shade.
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tags: german paris tree
A guy goes to the Olympics and sees a man carrying a long pole.

The guy asks - Are you a pole vaulter?

The man replies - No I'm German - how did you know my name is Walter?
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tags: german
This guy goes to the Olympics and sees a guy carrying a long pole.

He asks - Are you a pole vaulter?

Guy replies - No I'm German, and my name is Hans.
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tags: german
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