Jokes tagged friend

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The Compassionate Lawyer

A lawyer was being driven around town in his limo when he saw 2 men on the side of the road eating grass.

Moved, the lawyer tells his driver to stop and gets out to talk to the men.

"What is going on? Why are you eating grass?" he asks the men.

"We are very poor me, sir", the first responds, "this is all we have."

"Well, come with me" insists the lawyer.

"But sir, I have a wife and three kids! My friend here, he was a wife and four kids!"

"We will go get them as well" declares the lawyer.

An hour later they are all driving in the limo to the lawyers estate.

"Sir, I don't know how to thank you enough!"

"Oh, it is no problem. The grass at my house has to be at least a foot tall!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Two strings walk into a bar. As they step up the bartender asks, "What can I get you?"

The first string replies "Hey, I'll have a beer."

The bartender turns to the second string and asks, "How about you?"

To this the second string says, "Yeah, I'll have a beer too000LED Technologies Inc. V1.01         } !1AQa"q2#BR$3br %&'()456789:CDEFGHIJSTUVWXYZcdefghijstuvwxyz aq"2B#3Rbr$4%&'()56789:CDEFGHIJSTUVWXYZcdefghijstuvwxyz "X    ? ( 5m+BT=?G-:嶟am>}ܑq4Q.TQ`xs ?~9 ] ڿ ? ^ 殀m  U@xw ?~:?j Wg > xs @<9cT6kz՗0xccD0FŤL*#(kM[ 7 AyNϵM.gپϟIy C[> z8{?no&ㄚkRƟjO#Jmcawg! (P** k%z汯n^kzurK2[Gq}<%<# 4e =J 1~7md狼Qn[=մY.(^K{ {TXcRp H i5u m.MSOwMoK6."

At this point the first string turns to the bartender and says, "You'll have to excuse my friend. He isn't null terminated."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A woman tells her friend that Interflora just delivered a bunch of flowers from her husband.

"Now I guess he'll want me to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air"

"Why?" asks her friend "Don't you have a vase?"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Two friends are hiking in the mountains when they stumble across a grizzly bear. The bear rears up on its hind legs and roars at them, displaying all of the signs of aggression. They both know they're in real trouble.

One of the men sits down calmly, takes off his hiking boots, and pulls a pair of running shoes out of his backpack.

"What are you doing?" screams his friend. "You can't outrun a bear!"

"I don't have to", he says while tying his shoes. "I just have to outrun you."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: bear friend
God asks asks Adam how he's doing, - "Well, it's ok but I am abit lonely". - "Ok" God answers. - "Let's do something about it. I can give you the most wonderful and satisfactory being and friend you'll ever need you'll never be lonely again, and you'll have everything you ever need". - "But it meens I need your arm and leg to create that beeing". Adam ponders and isn't willing to sacrifice his arm and leg. -"Ok" God says again. -"With only your leg, I can make a nice and welcoming partner for you, giving you no grief only happiness" Adam ponders again - he is rather lonly but really wants his leg. "What can I get for one of my rib bones ?" Adam finally replies.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: god friend
"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

"The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"
  • Currently 3.6/5 Stars.
Results 11 - 16 of 16
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