Jokes tagged fish

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What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
"Dam."
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tags: fish
Many years ago, a fisherman and his wife had twin sons, but they didn'tknow what to name them. The husband said, "Let's just wait. If we waitlong enough, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks,they noticed something peculiar about the children. When left alone, oneboy would face the sea, and the other would face inland."Let's call the boys Toward and Away," suggested the fisherman, and his wifeagreed.Years passed, and one day the fisherman told his adult sons, "It's timethat you learned how to make a living from the sea." The fisherman andhis sons provisioned their ship and set sail for a three-month voyage. Atthe voyage's end, the fisherman returned alone."What happened?" his wife cried."We were barely one day out to sea," the fisherman explained solemnly,"when Toward hooked a great fish. Toward fought long and hard, but the fishwas great and strong. For whole week they wrestled upon the waves, yeteventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Toward was pulledover the side. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of themagain.""Oh dear!" the wife cried. "What a huge fish that must havebeen! What a terrible fish! What a horrible fish!""Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."
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What kind of bar do fish go to?
A sand bar.
  • Currently 2.5/5 Stars.
tags: fish
Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle?
Because he was a gold fish.
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tags: fish
One day three fishermen were out in a boat in the Gulf of Mexico. They hadnot caught a thing all day when suddenly, one of the fishermen's polesstarted jerking. He grabbed it and started reeling in his line and shouting,"I got something! I got something!"He had caught a nice fish, about ten inches long. The fishermen were aboutto revel in his accomplishment when the fish shook the hook out of hismouth and transformed into a being, half man and half fish, sporting a crownand holding a trident."Who are you?" said the frightened fisherman who had caught him."I AM NEPTUNE, GOD OF THE SEA, AND I AM GOING TO PUT A CURSE ON YOU LOWLYMORTALS! BEFORE YOU LEAVE HERE TODAY YOUR BOAT WILL SPRING A DOZEN LEAKS! ...NO, MAKE THAT A DOZEN AND A HALF!"And with that, he dove back into the waters. As soon as he was gone, thefishermen's boat had sprung so many leaks they were forced to swim to shore.To this day, they never forgot Neptune's eighteen-hole Gulf curse.
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tags: god fish water
Why couldn't Batman go fishing?
Because Robin ate the worms.
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tags: fish
What kind of fish has two knees?
A tunee fish.
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tags: fish
Three men were fishing in the Gulf of Mexico when one of them pulled in ahuge fish. But as soon as it was in the boat, the fish shook thehook out of its mouth and changed into an angry, bearded man wearing a crownand brandishing a three-pronged spear."Who are you, sir?" quavered one of the fishermen."I am Neptune, god of the sea, and I am going to put a curse on you!Before you get home, your boat will spring a dozen leaks -- nay, make thata dozen and a half, for good measure!"With a nasty laugh, Neptune dived over the side and disappeared. Thefishermen's boat got so many holes they had to swim ashore, and fromthat day to this, they have never forgotten Neptune's eighteen holegulf curse.
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tags: god bear fish
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"
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tags: fish
What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsssssssh
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tags: fish
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