Jokes tagged eyes
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
A priest, a rabbi and a minister are fishing in a canoe on a lake. The priest says "I'm gonna get some beer", steps out of the canoe on to the water and walks to shore. A short time later he walks back, with a 6 pack. The minister cannot beleive his eyes.
After some beer, the rabbi says "I need to take a leak". He stands up, steps onto the water and walks to shore, uses the bathroom by the docks, and walks back. The minister is mad with curiousity, but doesn't want the others to know that he's not holy enough to walk on the water.
Well, the minister decides to try it himself. He announces "I'm going to get some sandwhiches!", and steps off the boat. SPLASH!!!
The priest turns to the rabbi and says: "I guess we should have told him about those stepping-stones!"
After some beer, the rabbi says "I need to take a leak". He stands up, steps onto the water and walks to shore, uses the bathroom by the docks, and walks back. The minister is mad with curiousity, but doesn't want the others to know that he's not holy enough to walk on the water.
Well, the minister decides to try it himself. He announces "I'm going to get some sandwhiches!", and steps off the boat. SPLASH!!!
The priest turns to the rabbi and says: "I guess we should have told him about those stepping-stones!"
Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, "Peter, come hither!" Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, "Peter, come hither!" So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter's arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can't believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, "Peter, please, come to me!" By now, the roman gurad is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord's side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master's eyes and asks, "yes, my Lord. What is it?" Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, "Look Peter, I can see your house from here!"
"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
"The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"
"The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"