Jokes tagged drink

Results 11 - 18 of 18
Page: 1 2

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers in the world, and I make the King of them all gimme a Bud."

Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, verdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist Der real King of beers, danke."

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward "Barman, would ya give me a doyet coke wid ice and lemon. Tanks."

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"

Paddy replies: "Well, if you fookin' pansies aren't drinkin', then neither am I".
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
tags: drink face german
The new guy in town decided to take a few minutes and head down to the local pub to try to meet some people. He stumbled in at about 7 PM and sat down at the bar to order his first drink.

One of the regulars sitting at the pool table got up and came over to start up a conversation. He says, "hey, I bet you 5 dollars I can lick my eye". The new guy was a little put-off by this introduction, but it was early in the evening so he took the bet. Sure enough, the regular had a glass eye, popped it out, licked it, and put in place.

A funny enough parlor joke, he handed the man 5 dollars and went back to drinking. A few minutes later he returned, this time saying "I bet you 5 dollars I can touch my elbow to the back of my head." Desparate for any attention, the new guy handed over another 5 dollars and watched as the regular popped his shoulder out of joint and touched the back of his head.

Deciding he had already duped the new guy out of $10, the regular headed back over the pool table for the next few hours. As the bartender began to close up shop, he returned for one last wager. "hey, I bet you $100 I can piss on the celing". The new guy looked up at the vaulted ceiling which was eaily 30 feet above and was convince he would soon win his money back and a nights worth of drinking.

The regular pulled it out but didnt even come close, pissing on the bar and the local guy. "Ha! I won all my money back! That was a stupid bet!"

The regular retorted, "yeah, but I bet the guys over there $500 I could piss on you and make you laugh!"
  • Currently 2/5 Stars.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives it to him and he slams in down in one gulp.

"What do I owe ya?" asks the neutron.

"For you? No charge."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Guy walks into a bar and catches the barman's eye.

"Double whisky!" he shouts. The barman pours it, serves it and GULP, the guy knocks it back in one go.

"Are you alright, mate?" asks the barman.

"Sure," says the guy, "I'm celebrating - another double whisky!" Barman serves it, guy grabs it and downs it in one again.

"What are you celebrating?" asks the barman.

"Aaaaahhhh," says the guy "can't tell you - it's a secret. Another double whisky!". The barman serves it to him, the guy grabs it and downs it in one.

"Come on," says the barman, "you'll be pissed in a minute and tell me anyway - what're you celebrating?"

"Oh all right," says the guy, looking around furtively, "first blowjob!"

"Ohhhhhh, well done my son!" beams the barman, "here, have one on me!"

The guy peers at the drink, thinks, sniffs. "No thanks", he says, "if three won't get rid of the taste, nothing
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Every day, the good doctor stops by the local bar and orders a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from the office. Before long, the bartender expects his visits and has the daiquiri waiting upon the doctor's arrival.

One day, the bartender begins to prepare the doctor's daily daiquiri but realizes he's all out of hazelnut. In a pinch, he opts to use hickory instead.

The doctor arrives, takes a sip of his drink, and says to the bartender, "Hey, this isn't a hazelnut daiquiri." The bartender nods and replies, "You're right. It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sips it for a while, and when he is finished, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not", and disappears.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Math and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: drink
A bear walks in to a bar and says to the bartender, "give me a drink." The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve bears." The bear says, "well, give me a drink or I'll eat that woman at the other end of the bar." The bartender says, "psh, go ahead." So the bear eats the woman and asks the bartender one more time to give him a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve bears on drugs." The bear, clearly dumbfounded says, "what? I'm not on drugs." And the bartender says, "that was a bar-bitch-you-ate"
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
Results 11 - 18 of 18
Page: 1 2