Jokes tagged doctor

Results 11 - 21 of 22
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A carrot and a tomato were walking across the street when the carrot was hit by a car. The tomato called 911. An ambulance came and took the carrot to the hospital. The tomato went to the hospital to wait for his friend, and when he got there the carrot was still in the emergency room, so the tomato paced nervously. Finally, the doctor called out, "Mr. Tomato?" The tomato went over, and asked the doctor, "How is he?" The doctor replied, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that he is still alive. The bad news is that he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternatingrecurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee,and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Doctor: "I've got bad news and good news. Which one do you want to hear first?". Patient: "The bad news" Doctor: "The bad news is that you've got cancer and only a few days to live" Patient: "Shoot!, what's the good news?" Doctor (smiling): I'm doing your wife!
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Two brothers are separated at birth, one going to live in the big city and the other on a farm in the coutry. Eventually, the two learn of each other and there's a happy reunion on the country brother's farm. Having never been to a farm before, the city brother asks for a tour. The farmer shows him the cows, the barn, horses, and the corn fields before coming to the pig sty, where he proudly introduces his prized possesion: a three-legged sow.

"That sow is finest animal to ever live," proclaimed the farmer, "She saved my three children from the barn when it was burning down."

"When I fell from the tree over yonder, she ran all the way to town and fetched the doctor," he continued.

"And, when my wife went into labor in the middle of the night, she delivered my yongest son!"

Amazed, the city brother remarked, "that's quite a pig. But, what happened to her that she only has three legs?"

"Well, hell," said the farmer, "be a damn shame, eat a pig like that all at once."
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?". Suddenly the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... can you do that again?" With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
In the middle of the forest, a turtle and a snail have a gruesome head-on collision. The snail is rushed to the emergency room, where a doctor asks what happened. On the edge of consciousness, the snail responds, 'I don't know, Doc. It all happened so fast.'
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
What's the difference between God and a medical school graduate?

God doesn't think he's a doctor.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
So a guy calls into work and says, "I can't come in today, I'm seeing spots."

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"No, just the spots."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
A woman is in the maternity ward, having just given birth to her baby. The doctor comes in, cradling the child in his arms. As he is about to give it to the woman, he drops it on the ground, kicks it into the wall then throws it out the window.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!?!?!"

The doctor turns to her, smiles, and says, "April Fools. It was a stillborn."
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
Did you hear about the circumcision doctor?

He slipped and got the sack.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
Results 11 - 21 of 22
Page: 1 2 3