Jokes tagged doctor

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A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: doctor car
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska?
An optical Aleutian.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnutdaiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and wouldalways have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnutextract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took asip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!""No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece ofcelery up his nose. The doctor told him he wasn't eating right.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor carrot
This guy comes blasting into the doctor's office and exclaims, excitedly,"Doctor, I think I'm shrinking! I think I'm shrinking!""Ok, just settle down sir," the doctor says. "You're just going to have tobe a little patient."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach?
Because they are judged by a jury of their piers.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll?
You wind her up, and she operates on batteries.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
A man visited his doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checked him outand gave him some bad news. "There are two things wrong with you," he said."You have cancer and Alzheimer's.""Well," said the man, "at least I don't have cancer."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor cancer
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