Jokes tagged chicken

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confluence 42 points 21 hours ago

A Polish farmer is ploughing his field when he hits an obstruction in the soil - a dirty old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it to clean it off, and a genie appears in a puff of smoke.

"Thank goodness you found my lamp I was getting bored," says the Genie. "I will grant you any three wishes you desire."

The farmer thinks and thinks and finally says: "I want the Mongols to invade Poland... and then go home."

The genie looks confused, but he shrugs, and snaps his fingers, and the Mongols invade. They rampage through the country, looting and pillaging... and then they go home.

"OK," says the genie, "that was your first wish. What else do you want?"

"I want the Mongols to invade Poland again... and then go home."

The genie sighs. "Fine, it's your wish, I guess." He snaps his fingers again, and the Mongols return. They set the farmhouse on fire, and steal the chickens, and then they go home.

"And what is your final wish?" asks the genie.

"I want the Mongols to invade Poland again, and then go home," says the farmer without hesitation.

So the Mongols invade once again, and steal everything that isn't nailed down. They steal the farmer's old wife, and his plough, and rough him up a bit, and then they leave.

As they are both standing in the smoking, ransacked ruins of the farmhouse, the genie says: "OK, I have to know. What the hell was that about? You could have wished for anything in the whole world, and you had the Mongols invade your own country three times, and totally destroy it. Why?!"

The farmer looks very pleased with himself. "Well, you see, in order to invade us three times and go home, they had to go through Russia six times!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
An old man is sitting on his front porch at 6:00 am watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back, "A roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
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