Jokes tagged bed

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Why didn't the woman cross the road?

There was no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: woman road bed
A New Zealander walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:

"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Wife: "Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?"

Husband: "Of course not."

Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Ok, I would marry again." (annoyed)

Wife: "Oh..." (sad)

Husband: -silence-

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you two sleep in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "I guess I would, it's almost new."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs, too?"

Husband: "No, she's left handed."

Wife: -silence-
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: girlfriend bed
So im laying in bed with my girlfriend the other night and she looks over at me and says "Honey, you know, you're a pedophile."

I look back and her and say "That's an aweful big word for an 8 year old!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: girlfriend bed
A convent was going to receive a visit by the Pope, so the mother superior wanted to get the place spruced up. She assigned two nuns to repaint the guest bedroom.

"Do a good job," she ordered, "and don't get any paint on your habits."

The nuns decided that the best way to not get paint on their clothes was to work in the nude. They had been painting for a couple of hours when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" they asked.

"It's the blind man."

They figured that a blind man wouldn't be able to tell that they were naked, so they told him to come on in.

The door opened. "Hey, nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!

She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...

After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?" The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: woman bear bed
So I was lying in bed one night, looking up at the stars when I wondered, "where the fuck did my roof go?"
  • Currently 3.33333/5 Stars.
tags: bed
Results 11 - 17 of 17
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