Jokes tagged bartender

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A guy walked into a bar with his giraffe. He ordered a drink, and the giraffelay down beside him. The bartender barked angrily, "Excuse me, but you can'tleave that lying there!""Err," the man said, "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnutdaiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and wouldalways have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnutextract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took asip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!""No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don'tserve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders."Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says."Yeah," the string says."Aren't you a string?" the bartender says."I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

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.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: bartender bear
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us.""It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
  • Currently 3.33333/5 Stars.
tags: bartender
A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don'tserve food here."
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
tags: bartender
A man had a son, but he was born as only a head. The man lovedhis son very much and took care of him, even though he was only a head.When the son turned 21, the man took him to a bar."One whiskey for my boy, barkeep!" said the man."You don't want to do that," said the bartender."He's a man, just turned 21! Get him a whiskey!""I'm serious," the bartender insisted. "It's a bad idea.""Just do it!" ordered the man.So the bartender got the head a whiskey, and when he drank it, hesprouted a body! The head and his dad were excited, but the bartenderwasn't pleased."Wow, another one of those for my boy!" yelled the man."It's a really bad idea," the bartender stated."Just give him a stupid whiskey! Geez, I'm payin', ain't I?" said theman, a little frustrated now.So the bartender gave the son a whiskey, and he grew an arm! The father madethe bartender give more whiskey to the head, and he grew another arm, a leg,another leg, and finally the head was a whole person.The son was so excited that he ran into the street, screaming andshouting happily, and was hit by a car and died."I told you," the bartender said. "You should've quit while he was a head."
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
This disheveled-looking guy walks into a bar. He sits down and orders astiff drink. The bartender says, "What's eating you?"The guy says, "My wife left me this morning, I got laid off this afternoon,my car got wrecked earlier tonight, and my dog died in the vet's office."The bartender says, "Wow! I forgot the punchline!"
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don'tserve food here."
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: bartender
Results 1 - 11 of 30
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