Jokes tagged animals

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What do animals read in zoos?
Gnus papers.
  • Currently 2/5 Stars.
tags: animals
Before the days when dogs were used to sniff out drugs at airports,many different animals were tried, including chickens, due to theirsuperior sense of smell. Things went awry, however, when the Sergeant incharge of the Poultry Unit was arrested for drug trafficking. At hisarraignment, the Press was scandalized when he pled guilty, but heremained indignant. "What did you expect? I ran a fowl of the law!"
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friarsfound it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran afloral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venusfly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so theyjust kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were nolonger enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. Itate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, thenraccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this andattempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One wayor another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms oflarge animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired aprofessional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed themonastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them overto the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent floristfriars.
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their wholelives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned theirrespective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study thesewondrous beasts. Finally, their request was granted and they immediatelyflew to New York and then west to Yellowstone. They reported to the localranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it wasmuch too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that thiswas their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and theCzech were given cell phones and told to report in each day.For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the twoscientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists'camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men.They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found thefemale and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eatenthe scientists, because they feared an international incident.They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach and, sure enough,found the remains of the Russian.One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don'tyou?""Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
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tags: bear animals
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