Latest jokes [26-51] of 963

Results 26 - 51 of 963
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If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
  • Currently 2/5 Stars.
tags: n/a
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to bangkok
  • Currently 2/5 Stars.
tags: airport
Q: Why the fireman was burried on the top of the hill?
A: Because he was dead.
  • Currently 3.66667/5 Stars.
tags: dead fire
Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...

"Can you put me up for the night?"
  • Currently 4.14286/5 Stars.
tags: nails
Throwing glass is wrong in some peoples eyes.
  • Currently 2/5 Stars.
tags: people eyes
Math and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: drink
Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic? He lay awake at night wondering if there's a Dog.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: dog
Q: Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat?

A: She wanted to wash up on shore.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: wood
Q: What kind of wood doesn't float?

A: Natalie Wood
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: wood
A man walks into a therapist's with just clingfilm around his waist therapist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts".
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: nuts
A Bostoner is visiting Austin, admiring a large bronze statue. One of the locals approaches and says, "This here's a Texas Ranger."

The Bostoner says, "We have a statue like this in my hometown, a statue of Paul Revere."

The Texan thinks about this for a long moment. "Is that that guy who had'ta git help?"
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
tags: help mom texas
A man is driving through the countryside when he sees a sign that reads "Pigs for sale, next left". Curiosity got the better of him and he turned into the farm.The farmer greets him at the gate and asks him which pig he wants. The man, having no experience of buying pigs simply points at one and asks "how much is that one?". The farmer grabs the pig's tail between his teeth, lifts the pig off the floor and says "200" Slightly confused, tha man says "thats a bit expensive, how about that one" and points at another pig. Again the father picks up the pig by the tail between his teeth and says "that ones heavier, so it'll be about 250". "Heavier?" said the man, "am i supposed to believe you are weighing them" "Yes siad the farmer, thats how you weigh pigs, everybody knows that, ask my daughter" The man turns to his daughter and sure enough she says "thats how you weigh pigs". By this point the man is sure he is being conned, and is about to leave when the farmer says, "hang on, i'll prove that this is how you weigh pigs, ask my wife". To which his daughter added "Oh, you can't ask her, she's weighing the postman".
  • Currently 3.8/5 Stars.
A man visits a monastery. At dinner he is served Fish and Chips, and they are delicious, the best he has ever eaten. He goes back into the kitchen to thank the cook, and finding someone there cooking, he asks "Are you the Fish Fryer?" To which the man replies, "No, I'm the Chip Monk".
  • Currently 4/5 Stars.
Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

A: Because they're ugly and they smell bad.
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
tags: women ugly
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey pirate, do you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate says "Arrrh, I know, it's drivin me nuts"
  • Currently 4.3/5 Stars.
So I was lying in bed one night, looking up at the stars when I wondered, "where the fuck did my roof go?"
  • Currently 3.33333/5 Stars.
tags: bed
"Doctor, doctor, there's a lettuce sticking out of my arse! Is it serious?"

"I'm sorry to tell you, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
  • Currently 3/5 Stars.
tags: doctor stick
Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sips it for a while, and when he is finished, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not", and disappears.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
Q. How do you keep the neighbor's kids from playing in your yard? A. F*ck one of them.
  • Currently 3.4/5 Stars.
tags: kids
Every day, the good doctor stops by the local bar and orders a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from the office. Before long, the bartender expects his visits and has the daiquiri waiting upon the doctor's arrival.

One day, the bartender begins to prepare the doctor's daily daiquiri but realizes he's all out of hazelnut. In a pinch, he opts to use hickory instead.

The doctor arrives, takes a sip of his drink, and says to the bartender, "Hey, this isn't a hazelnut daiquiri." The bartender nods and replies, "You're right. It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tried to drown my sorrows, but after three days, mother-in-law floated back to the shore.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: drown
Did you hear about the circumcision doctor?

He slipped and got the sack.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: doctor
After the Americans went to the Moon, Leonid Brezhnev announced that the Soviets would be sending a man to the Sun.

The engineers objected. "If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!"

"What do you think I am, stupid?" he replied. "We'll send him at night!"
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: moon american
"Why don't Mr. and Mrs. Smokey the Bear have any children?"

"I give up, why?"

"Because every time Mrs. Bear gets hot Mr. Bear throws dirt on her and beats her with a shovel."
  • Currently 1/5 Stars.
tags: bear
What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work? She drops him off at band practice.
  • Currently 0/5 Stars.
tags: stripper
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